humor, parenthood

Home Alone-Franticmommy style

The ever-funny Stesha from had a great post this week about those rare occasions when we have the house All.To.Ourselves.

*gasp!* Jump back! That really happens??

Now I don’t have the 7 kids, 4 dogs, 1 husband, and a container vegetable garden that Stesha does, but it sure feels that way sometimes as a family of four living in about 1000 square feet.

In my house, there’s a little bit of somebody..everywhere.

So what would I do? What would I do with a hypothetical 8-10 hours of peace-and-alone time?

Meditate? Of course not. It’s all I can do to stay on task to write this sentence (hey, I smell bacon) much less spend lengthy amounts of time contemplating my navel (“navel”..that’s a funny word *giggle*snort*snort*).

My list is short and sweet….kinda like my 4 year old….but only if it’s between 8 and 6 o’clock and she’s been allowed to change her clothes 116th times…

I digress.


1. Roam freely about my house w/o someone saying, “where’s Mom?”

2. Take a dump without an audience.

3. Watch TV and Movies. You know, things without Muppets, cartoon characters or dancing Australians. Big people stuff.

4. Bake chocolate cookies and eat the raw dough like it’s my last day on earth without Hubs yelling “STOP! There’s raw eggs in there!”. (I’ve been eating raw cookies dough for 44 years. I ain’t about to stop now).

What would you do??

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15 thoughts on “Home Alone-Franticmommy style

  1. you are so funny! i’d definitely be watching tv, stuff I LIKE not stuff HE likes, make a pizza, eat the whole thing, again the kind I LIKE and then sit and doodle as I watch my show/movie. until 3 am probably. 🙂 Oh and did I mention I didn’t have to take the dog out because he is gone for the evening as well?

  2. There’s only me, my husband and our two year old so I don’t have it that bad. When my son takes a nap or goes to the park with my husband, I obsess over my blog, my ebay, statcounter, Facebook and any other website that might give me an indication that anyone is interested in purchasing anything from me or in reading anything I have to say… you know, the stuff I usually do when they’re around, except I do it with my son sitting in my lap.

    After an hour of that, I start to miss them and either call my husband on the phone to get them to come back or make loud noises so my son will wake up, depending on the situation.

    I know, I’m a freak.

  3. LOL Great post! I’m so with you on that take a dump without someone either knocking on the door or yell “Mommy, what are you doing?”

    Stopping by from SITS

  4. I watch “my” shows, cook “my food, and walk around in various stages of dress, and I play “my” music too loud. I guess I turn into a teenager.

  5. THIS IS EASY!!!!!!!!!!! I’d spend 2 hours going through my hubbies “wardrobe” and throwing away his shirts from 1978, T shirts that shouldn’t be worn by men over 20. Then I’d head out to “the garage” and throw away all the things that I asked him to get rid of that he hid in the garage and drive them to a donation site outside city limits! Then I’d go buy a large bag of potato chips, bagels and and enough cheese to plug up anyone for a week.Watch the entire series of The Godfather and eat massive amounts of carbs and cheese in my fat pants and then make up a fake list of “all the things I did today” that I could show him when he got home!

  6. My daughter is almost 17 and if I want to get some me time I look at the clock and loudly state “It’s almost naked time.” Scares her right out of the house. Then I put on the music I want to listen to, pour a glass of wine, run a hot, hot bath, keep adding hot water until I’m a prune. Then make chocolate chip cookies and take them to bed with me, warm out of the oven. I’ve really forgotten what it is I used to do before she was born and I had a life of my own.

  7. That’s funny! I would do EXACTLY the same as you, except I would throw in a glass of wine (ok a bottle) with the cookie dough, and play Pixel Junk Monsters till I fell asleep… alone!!! Sounds kinda wonderful!

  8. Your list is hilarious… sounds pretty much like mine would 🙂 I too love going potty by myself, ohhh & how I love me some TV… without little commentators that is (Thank God for Tivo & the ability to record & rewind often)

  9. I can not believe how much I get done with no kids around. It is like I become the bionic woman or something. I get into this frenzy…”Gotta get it all done before the kids come back!” Stupid, I know!

  10. Oh my goodness, I wouldn’t even know what to do with myself? No…I take that back. I’d clean until everything sparkled and then I’d sit in the midst of it and feel absolute peace that no one was there to mess up my perfect, clean, house. And then I’d read, and watch Twilight movies, and eat complete crap because I didn’t have to set a healthy eating example! Woot!

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