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Spring Is Here. Time For My Spring Feet Lament

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OK..well, I think it’s Spring. As I type this, it’s April 24th and I woke up to SNOW on the effing ground!

SNOW!

From my office, I can see the lake..and I also hear the seagulls bee-atchin and some pissed-off-sounding ducks.

Even they are saying WTF?

But the “effing snow” won’t last long and I can get back to my recent issue at hand….my FEET.

Some people treat Spring as a time to clean and renew. I, like clockwork, bitch about my FEET.



Dear Feet,
Why, oh why, hast thou betrayed me? You were like a part of me..oh wait..you ARE a part of me and something is strangely amiss. I know I should not have ignored you those long winter months when you were jammed into socks, more socks, and big stinky snow boots. But you were well hidden and protected so as long as you kept me upright, I pretty much took you for granted.

Now, as warmer temps have finally started to show themselves, my thoughts have turned to Capri’s, tank-tops, and sandals. And I’ve also noticed something very, very disturbing….


..you look like hell. AGAIN.


Now don’t get me wrong, I appreciate your ability to navigate my fat tail from place to place, and you enable me to occasionally look stylish in shoes. BUT something drastic must have happened about 6 years ago. Somewhere around the seventh month of my last pregnancy. I have vague memories of your normal appearance, but now..well..you look like something that should be on the end of Bilbo Baggin’s legs. Shrek has better looking tootsies than you, honey.


So I desperately try to repair the damaged done. But the skin on my heels look like a lizard’s butt. And Gawd help me, what’s up with the hairy toes?

 That’s one place I never thought I’d have to shave.

 So I struggle, buff, scrub, lotion, and cajole my sad feets. I vow to “pretty you up” with new lovely shades of polish and swear I will not neglect you next Winter Boot Season.

But truth-be-told, if ugly was a chronic condition, you’d need an intervention. I will valiantly try to make you look better, but the reality is Dear Feet-O-Mine, putting nail polish on you is a little like putting lipstick on a pig.

It is, what it IS.

Love,
The Large Body Attached to You.

Side NOTE: Looks like another Tennis-Shoe-&-Loafer Summer for moi. *sigh*

A good foot is a terrible thing to waste.

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3 thoughts on “Spring Is Here. Time For My Spring Feet Lament

  1. I have hairy toes too..and it hurts to pluck! You should hear me scream! I need to find some good foot cream and make them all pretty over winter so that when my summer rolls around again, I can look at my feet and think “AWESOME”!!

  2. From one sadly-lacking-Spring, MN living mama to you… I hear you about the feet being hidden all winter and then the appalling surprise of what happened to said feet after months of winter wear and tear. Ugh! My feet need great repair too…..

    And for all of our sanity, I pray for warmer weather. I can’t handle any more white crap until at least NOVEMBER!

    Hugs!

  3. I am truly sorry about you waking up to snow. I’m surprised I didn’t. A moment of silence………..

    Ok, now your feet. I feel your pain. But alas, you can do it. Burt Bees Coconut foot creme. Its a miracle worker.

    Happy Easter

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