Somewhere along the line, I seem to have forgotten the “why.”
I have misplaced my Peace and Balance in My Work-From-Home Life.
I’ve forgotten to value my children.
I’ve forgotten to value my mate.
I’ve forgotten to take advance of the freedom and flexibility that working from home affords.
I know that this most likely my inner bully verbally kicking my fanny again and I may be being harder on myself than necessary, but I also think the Family Train has come off the tracks.
I’ve grown impatient, hurried, overly structure and uber time conscious. The way I obsess about work and rush through everything you’d think my life was combo of Minute to Win It and The Amazing Race.
Some of this madness is necessary. Our mornings begin with a carefully orchestrated routine that has little margin for error. I hate that my family’s morning being ruled by the clock and the result is a whhhoollleee lot of “hurry up,” “do this quickly” and the most common one; “You have two minutes to finish your cereal!” But it still sucks.
During the day I obsess about the “billable hour” and linger way too long in my office when I should instead be enjoying my family time. Ever when I am not physically IN my office, my mind is never far from what needs to be done and worrying that I can get it all done.
I’ve become snappish. Unusually short-tempered and impatient with my hubby as well. Even how he eats his morning bagel irritates me. He is king of the completely irrelevant questions like, “Is the toaster working?” which be a fine question if the toaster had ever stopped working. Silly question? YES? Worth ripping his head off over? NOPE.
Basically, all the things I was determined to leave behind when I left the 9-5-working-for-the-man world is slowly creeping back into my life (and I am letting it). I’ve always prided myself in being a Problem Solver so as I have become aware of the yuck habits creeping into my life, I’ve also become aware that, “If it sucks….FIX IT.”
Time to Turn it All Around.
Everyone has their own way of centering, grounding and basically giving themselves a self-correcting-kick-in-the-shorts…but here are my plans:
Move more. Walk. Move. Exercise. Be outside. Nature is so healing…I want more of that.
Re-connect with my friends: My BFF’s, besties and gal friends are my support system. I am woefully short on family…but my besties have always had my back. We’ve all drifted away from each and I need to pull them all back in. I need to hang out with them, have girl’s night out, take stupid selfies (or “us-ies), drink wine, have lunch, commiserate and share victories. ASAP.
READ: I saw a super old “Where Are The Now” Oprah episode than involved Sarah Ban Breathnach, author of Simple Abundance: A Daybook of Comfort of Joy. A light bulb went on in my head. I have this book. I used to ADORE this book. So I dug it out, dusted it off and now read it every day. I am happy to say that I believe it’s helping. It’s so easy to fixate on the negative and forget to be grateful for the good that is present in your life.
I know there’s an Internet Troll out there just lurking, waiting, watching. Waiting for the opp to use their pea brain and razor tongue to tell me what a dogsh*t mom I am even poorer human. Well, let me tell you this now. Before you spread your vengeance and nastygram in the comment box, I want you to know that yeah, sometimes I suck as a human and a mother. But I thank God every day for the chance to correct myself and try again. Maybe I am imperfect, but I appreciate the chance to stop, check myself, and try again.
Like the old adage goes, being aware there’s a problem is indeed half the battle. It’s not easy to discover you have wandered off the path that you set out to conquer…but I am OK with being transparent about it. It would be a greater injustice here is if I never shared any of this here.
Have you ever had those moments when you discover that you’ve taken a wrong turn somewhere? How did you self-correct and get back on track?