DEAR MOM, humor

#TBT DEAR MOM (a tale of squirrels and other little boy naughtiness)

Dear Mom,
Hi, it’s me Jakey-D. You know, your kid?


I just wanted to say “sorry” for being a pain in your rear today…and last night.. and the night before. I know I am supposed to be extra good when Daddy’s gone….

..but I just forgot.

Kinda like how I forgot there’s not supposed to be rocks in the tub, earthworms in the house and how it scares the stuffin’ outta you every time I bellow “SQUIRREL!!!!”” when there’s a squirrel in the birdfeeder.

Yes, I know you told me you don’t give a crap about squirrels.

I also kinda forgot that, if I dig a big “tumungous” hole in the back yard, I should fill it up so you don’t step in it and break a leg.

Now…I remember that you said if that happened, Daddy might ship you to the glue factory.

I am not sure what that means……

..but thanks for filling in the hole for me. I really was trying to dig a trap for a squirrel….

…you know, the same one that was in the birdfeeder.

I am kinda sorry too I told you I wanted chicken for supper, than changed my mind to “Tubby Toast” (peanut butter toast). I know I changed my mind after you cooked the chicken, but you gotta eat too, right?

I’d like to say I am sorry too that I heckled you half of the afternoon about buying a dog, an XBox, and a Star Wars Lego Set. I just want them real bad.

You said I have to earn it by being really good while Daddy is gone. You said you would give me a star for every day Dad is gone. I think you said the star is worth money. Cool.

But I want them all NOW. Like in five minutes.

You told me to be patient.

I am not sure what that means, but it sounds like it will take a long time. Not cool.

Did I mention I want it now?

I am “writing” this from my room where I’ve been sent..again. You said if I keep this up, not only will I get no stars, but I will be “in the hole”.

I think that means I will owe YOU money…but I just wanna make sure you are not referring to the hole I dug in the backyard.

It’s only squirrel sized after all.


Your frustrating (but incredibly cute) son, Jake.

Now can I get all my stars?

**Note from Mom: Jake is now 13, not all that interested in squirrels or digging holes in the yard. He is an amazingly sweet and kind young lad and I pray he continues to stay that way. P.S I love being his mom 🙂

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