It is Wednesday and I am silently saying a prayer that the rest of this week starts shaping up soon.
Ever had one of those weeks when, nothing goes according to plan, everyone is on your nerves and you’d sooner have an enema with a hot rock than to spend one more days trapped in the four walls of your home? Really? Thank goodness I am not alone.
I know I should be grateful because no one has died (yet), our family still has all of our limbs intact and nothing major has broken. It’s just that constant series of little things that continually make you say things like; “REALLY?” “For Real, dude??” and “Are you effing kidding me?” Those things that are HUMAN induced and make me want to go live with ducks and chickens for a week or so. I could have filled up this notepad twenty-times over with noteable “WTF’s.”
So what do you do what your day is spiraling out of control and the “WTF’s” are coming to you as fast and furious as deer flies falling down my bra.
Identify Why You are Pissed At The World: Are there other elements at work besides human-induced madness? Yesterday I was so out-of-sorts that I disliked everyone, especially myself. Upon further review (or the hour I spent cooling my jets, waiting in the car for Kid #1 who was at martial arts) I determined that I felt my shirt was tight and my jeans too baggy. What did I do? I went home and changed into my jammies. Why not? I am going to end up back in them eventually anyway. A comfortable mommy equals a happy mommy.
Success is the Best Revenge: I love selling stuff on some of the Facebook garage sale sites. Mo’ money in my pocket and de-crapify my house=beautimus. These last few weeks on these sites have been trying to say the least. I understand that life moves fast and people forget, break a bone drunken pole-dancing or decide at the last-minute they need the Fifty Shades of Grey box set instead back to school jeans for their kids, but I am going to say here what I can’t say on those sites. “DON’T COMMIT TO SOMETHING IF YOU CAN’T FOLLOW THROUGH ON IT.” My best revenge for these situations is to resell the item and get even more money for it, but in the meantime I am channeling my inner Zen so I don’t go all bat-crap-crazy on some of these slappies and get kicked off my beloved garage sale groups. Step UP and follow THROUGH. Don’t waste MY TIME. Namaste, bitches.
Avoid “Garage Sale Dresser” Scenarios: As a favor to a friend (and the promise of a few extra bucks so I can get a ‘tashe wax) I agreed to sell a couple of things for him on one of the said garage sale sites. Now two days into this project I am having many pop-up WTF moments as the no-shows and change-my-mind slappies have come out of the woodwork after the items I am selling. The topper on this poop cake was the King of All Slappies who massively low-balled Every.Single.Item, then switched to private messaging me about one of the most expensive items. I entertained his malarkey for a while, but once he discovered I wasn’t budging on his-less-than-half-of-asking-price tactics, responded that he “needed to think about it.” Within minutes, the item in question sold at full ask to another party. My Inner Customer Service Rep kicked in and I reached out to the Low Balling Slappy and told him the item was now sold, but there similar ones were still available.
That was a huge mistake on my part. “Let sleeping dogs lie,” as my mom would say. Next time I will tell my Inner Customer Service Rep to go on break or mind their own beeswax.
This unleashed a barrage of “I told you I was thinking about it” or “I was first, that’s not fair.” It was clear that a bad case of Garage Sale Dresser Syndrome had taken over Low Ball Slappy. Garage Sale Dresser Syndrome is when you have an old broken-down dresser at a your garage sale. No one wants it and even scoffs at the already-low price. The day wanes and finally someone offers you a few bucks for it, but can’t pick it up for a few hours so it still sits in your driveway..sold, but still present. But who cares, right? You finally sold Old Broken Down Dresser. Then something magical happens. Now everyone who walks by Old Broken Down Dresser, and sees the “sold” sign,” has suddenly has become a potential buyer….they WANT Old Broken Down Dresser. Your dresser has suddenly become very desirable simply because it’s not available anymore.
“I would have given you twice that price for it” “You sold it for ten bucks??! You’re nuts! I would have give you FIFTY!” or “I wish I would have seen that sooner! It’s just what I needed!” Suddenly Garage Sale Dresser is a Hot Commodity and you are the d-bag who won’t resell it to the highest bidder because you are honest (and know they are blowing smoke) and are honoring the original deal. Long story longer, Low Ball Slappy, was magically suddenly willing to pay full ask (despite having to “think about” his ridiculous too-low offer) was not happy that I wouldn’t sell it to him, which propelled me to full Big Giant Turd status in his mind. Moral of the Story: Low-Ballers and Garage Sale Dresser suffers run amuck in our world, but they can only get to you if you let them.
Be Nice to You: As I was busy sulking and feeding the Pity Party for One thanks to my turbo WTF moments, I decided it was time to scratch my myself out of this misery groove in my life record. I went for a walk. I went out for Chinese food. I read a book for a few minutes. I hung out with our kids. I put Dollar Store fake fingernails on our 8 year-old and made a game of counting how many seconds passed before they popped off and flew across the room. All little and silly things, but did seem to help get my ‘tude back on track and ready for the next volley of WTF’s.
Now I could go on for at least two more paragraphs on my WTF moments of the week, but I won’t. WTF Days happen and the best thing I can tell you is to shake it off, rub some dirt on it, surround yourself with happy to counteract the yuck and sleep on it. Tomorrow is a new day.
As for saying “Farewell to WTF”…I have committed (to myself) to clean up my act and leave some of the WTF and other assorted potty words behind on Franticmommy. Partly because I have a wonderful new advertiser that I want to put my best foot forward for, partly because I just feel I need to clean it up a bit. Though I would LOVE unleash a volley of four-letter-words, deer-camp-language and FrankenSwearWords that would make a trucker blush (just to get it out of my system), I won’t. Not on this blog anyway. 😉
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