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Epic Parent Fail | When Your Kid Eats Part of a Deer Skull at School

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I now know yet another reason God blessed me with children

It’s to make me go, “Are you frickin’ kidding me?” on a regular basis.

Now, I am sure NO parent likes to get calls during the day from their child’s school. They are seldom good. The Principal does not call to say, “Hey! Just thought I’d call to let you know we think Little Johnny ROCKS!”

The nurse’s office does not call to say, “We just wanted to ask what you are feeding Little Sally cuz, well, she’s just so darn HEALTHY!”

We get the Dreaded Call from time to time… BUT..I am fairly sure no parent will be getting this type of call any time soon.

Let me set the scene for you. It was Thursday. I am the road driving home from a sales appointment. My cell phone rings at 2:00 p.m. and it’s the hubby.

The first words out of his mouth are, “The school just called. You’ll never believe what your kid did today.”

Oh. Do Tell.

And he did. Here’s is the live-and-in-living-color playback as told by FranticDaddy:
(ring ring)
Hubs: “Hello?”

School: “Hello Mr. Franticdaddy. This is school nurse’s office calling.”

Hubs: “Oh gawd, now what?”

School:  “It’s nothing serious, sir. We just wanted to make you aware of an….um…incident that occurred today with your son Jakey-D.”

Hubs: “Is he OK?”

School:  “Oh yes yes he’s fine. There was…um..just a…unique situation in his First Grade class today.”

Hubs:  “Lovely.”

School: “Well… apparently one of Jakey-D’s classmates brought a deer skull today to show during snacktime. And well…the skull was..umm…..crumbly.”

Hubs: “Crumbly?”

School: “Yes crumbly. And apparently during snack time…your son…well…he accidentally ATE a piece of the deer skull thinking it was cookie frosting.”

Note: At this moment Hubs admits to pausing and glancing at the calendar to make sure it was NOT April Fools Day.

School: “Mr Franticdaddy, are you still there?”

Hubs: “Yes I am here. ..SO..you’re saying my kid ate part of a crusty deer skull with his snack…because he thought it was the icing off his cookie…”

School: “Um…YES. And he’s fine. Not sick or anything. We have him in the nurses office for observation. We just wanted you to know of the situation. Do you have any questions Mr. Franticdaddy?”

Hubs: “YES….just one. How does one not know they are eating…SKULL?

School (long pause): “We are not sure. He just commented it was…well…crunchy. We have him in the nurse’s office, you know, just to keep an eye on him.”

Hubs: “So, unless he is sprouting antlers and fur… send him back to class!”

It’s at this point in the story where I find that I REALLY need to pull the car over because I am severely in danger of running off the road. AND I’m almost peeing my pants. After I compose myself and catch my breath, hubs asks, “so what do you think of all that?”

I distinctly remember thinking, “This will make the best blog post ever!”

And it did 🙂

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37 thoughts on “Epic Parent Fail | When Your Kid Eats Part of a Deer Skull at School

  1. When my son was in kindergarden I had to call the teacher and ask if the shellack on the dough ornaments she made was toxic because my son ate his on the way home. Never a dull moment

  2. funny – it does make you wonder what they are monitoring him for?? Hopefully he will not request Deer Skull for his snack tomorrow 😀

  3. Hi,

    I found you on SITS today. LOVE this story. My Gawd! I bet you you are the only parents in the world who can say you got a phone call from school saying your child ate deer skull. That is just fabulous!

    I’m also excited to discover you on the day you were The Blogger of Note. Being in it for the writing myself, I was over the moon to find this site you so generously pointed out. So, thanks for that, too. Wow. I feel like I got 2 treats in 1 today!

  4. It’s okay to giggle while thinking, whoa that’s gonna hurt comin’ back out, right?

  5. Hi. Yeah, me. Said I was going to find out what it was your kid ate..

    I was NOT expecting that.

    I think you’re probably one of only 3 people in the world who have a story like this, and your husband is another one.

    If I’ve done my math properly, that leaves one other person out there who has this story.

  6. This is one of the most hilarious things I’ve ever heard! The whole what are you waiting for him to grow fur, send him back to class… that made me laugh out loud!!!

  7. Ok, thank you for making me laugh so hard I snorted my protein shake. Seriously; I needed that!

    Oh, man. I’m still giggling.

  8. I am researching stories for new episodes of a TLC series called “Your Kid Ate What?” and this just made my day. I actually need stories that required medical attention so this probably doesn’t fit the mold but I had to post a comment! If there’s more to the story I’d love to hear it. And for everyone else out there, if your kid swallowed something you’d like to share please visit us at:
    http://tlc.discovery.com/tv/your-kid-ate-what/casting-call.html
    (there’s an email address on that page). Thanks!

  9. That was hilarious!! And yet disturbing at the same time.
    Where did that kid get a crumbly deer skull?
    Why was the teacher allowing him to show it? And during snack time?
    How does deer bone make it into a child’s smack?
    Funny!!

  10. OMG! The whole story was hilarious, but I think I like Mr. FranticDaddy’s response of “are you waiting for him to sprout fur or something” the best. You know the school is just waiting for you to sue them or something!

  11. FYI..the snack in question was iced cookies. The icing “fell off” and apparently skull looks alike like cookie icing. Yum. Gotta get me some.
    Jakey-D is fine. No adverse effects. He claims he “passed” his skull later than night, but since I am trying to wean back on turd-peeking, I just took his word for it.
    We rub his head and check for antlers everyday.
    No horns yet. 🙂

  12. hmm… I’ve heard of ancient warriors eating brains and hearts… but skulls is a new one… still trying to figure out the crumbly skull = snack scenario…. but hubby’s reation is priceless! stopping by from SITS

  13. What…so the teacher felt the nurse should stare at him because the teacher may miss it if he puked or keeled over or sprouted fur or something?

    The schools are over-paranoid these days. My daughter threw up at school and the school nurse had her in a wheelchair and was calling me every few seconds to see how soon I would get to the school. The second call I told her it was going to be a while before I could pick my kid up because I kept having to pull the bleedin’ car over to the side of the road to answer the phone to give this nutcase an ETA. When she called the third and fourth time I let it go to voicemail, and when I got to the school she started shouting that I didn’t answer my phone and I was irresponsible.

    But I digress…

    So, how is your son? Did he enjoy his snack? Feeling fine? Sprouting any hair? Having nightmares about hunting season?

    Oh, brother….

  14. Hi there.
    I’m just stopping by to see how your comment challenge is going.

    Enjoy the rest of your weekend!

  15. Thank you so much for this story! It made me laugh!

    Hope your “dear” is okay after the “deer.” 🙂

  16. You just can’t make this kind of stuff up. I need to run to the bathroom now before I pee my pants from laughing so hard!

  17. I thought you were going to pull over because you had to hurl. I sure would have! YUCK! 😛

    I love this line:
    “I think just he got his calcium for the day.” Freaking hilarious! LMAO

    Aren’t kids great?! Never a dull moment! 😛

    Happy SITS Saturday Sharefest! 🙂

  18. Oh my This made me LOL for real! You just can’t make up this stuff! I think the worst my kids have done “so far” is eating (literally EATING) Dirt…That nasty red clay dirt too. Oh and the other day my 3 year old was pulling pine needles off a tree and dropping them down the sewer to “feed her alligator”… I told her to stop so she did.. and shoved them into her mouth.. sigh..
    Happy SITS Saturday Sharefest

  19. Oh, gee. My kids spend so much time in the nurse’s office for the most stupid things.

    I love your hubby’s response. “Back to class!” LOLOL I think this all the time when the nurse calls. Once I went so far as to say, “Sooooo…. tell me again why he has been sitting in your office for an hour?”

    When I was in elementary school, unless you were bleeding or had broken something (or you were throwing up), FORGET IT! The only thing I ever went there for was to get an eye exam.

  20. Oh my goodness! I’m not sure if I would’ve been freaking out or laughing hysterically during the phone call with the nurse. Sharing a crumbly, crunchy skull during snacktime… Wow! That is just too, too funny.

  21. Yuck! I’ll admit, I haven’t had this phone call. But the way things are going, I’m sure it won’t be too long until that happens. Only it will be a dead mouse or something similar.

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