humor, kids

The Forgotten Art of Curb Rolling

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rollin

I think I am a pretty good driver. I’ve never hit anything (at high speeds, anyway) and there are no Whiskey Plates in my future.

I do know that my spousal unit thinks I am a more..umm… aggressive of a driver than I need to be, but hey, I get to where I need to go in a relatively very safe fashion.

Leave it to one of my kids to pee on my parade and upset my apple cart.

Date: August 2, 2010
Time: 5:30 p.m
Location: Just leaving Mickey Dee’s (McDonald’s) for a well earned french fry treat (well-earned because no one freaked out when it came time to leave the pool and made me wade in in my street clothes to retrieve their wailing little tails).
Passengers: Princess Sara and Prince Jakey D.
Driver: Moi

Jakey D: Mom?

Me: Yes honey

Jakey D: Did you ever have trouble with stuff when you went to driving school?

(pause)

Me: Um …. no (YES). Why do you ask?

Jakey D: Because you seem to hit curbs a lot when we turn corners.

Me: Um…OK…no, of course not. (Liar, Liar, Pants on FIRE!)

Jakey D: And I am wondering why you always yell “HANG ON TO YOUR STUFF!! when we turn a corner.

Me: “Er…….”

Jakey D: “Is it because you are a bad turner?

Me: “Ummmm….”

Jakey D: “So, did you even finish driving class? Or did you just quit and buy a car anyway?”(ZINGER!).

Me: “Of course I finished flunked twice driving class. The teacher said I was the worst best student he ever had. He said I turned corners like there were magnets in my wheels and curb a pro. My parents were mad as HELL  thrilled when I passed flunked. Have you been talking to your Father about my driving again?”

Maybe that’s why the kids always yell, “Daddy’s driving!” when we climb in the car and head to town……

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17 thoughts on “The Forgotten Art of Curb Rolling

  1. I loved this….for many reasons! What struck me right away,though, was thinking your kids will look back and remember these times, and laugh so much! Especially, when you’re a famous (Erma Bombeck-type) writer and TV stations are interviewing your kids about what it was like growing up with such a funny mom!!! 🙂

  2. hey, my advice next time the kids act like smarty pants: Moi to Jakey-D: “Say, is that window open? Well, then hop right out if you’re going to complain about my driving!”

    You are sooooo hilarious! I love reading your blog! good luck and hope you’re getting through the weekend.

    ps i haul a$$ all the time except in my boring a$$ neighborhood!!

  3. FRANNIE! Ha! Yes, YES! My hubs drives like he’s frickin 90! It takes him forever to park too. He’s kinda like Goldilocks. The spothas to be jjuuuusssstttt right before he will pull in and park!

  4. That’s hilarious.

    We always laugh in our house because the kids say it will take twice as long to get where we’re going if the BF drives (he drives like an old lady), I drive like a demon. 🙂

  5. Hello
    New follower from on of the friday Blog hops!!!You have an adorable blog!!!Love this conversation… i seem to have had a few of these driving tip conversations with my 5 yr old lol. Hope you have a great friday and wonderful weekend!

    xoxoxo
    Lauren
    http://www.twentysomethinghousewife.com

    Ps I also host a weekly blog hop… so feel free to link up anytime!!!

  6. OMG that was hilarious. I suck at driving too but I have embraced it and now I don’t care! lol

    Thanks for stopping by my blog.

  7. it is the curbs’ fault…all of them. If they would just get out of the way, it would be just fine….

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