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Why must you torture me so? Why is it, when I finally have more than 45 seconds to work on a project on you, you get a bad case of virtual PMS and lock up every five minutes. If you were to roll over and say, “I have a headache” you would be ME during that Special Time of Month. Straighten up. I used an iPad the other day. Your days are numbered, bitch.
Warmly-Your Disgruntled Owner
Dear Almost 5 Year Old Daughter,
Why must you act like a wild raccoon in the house? I thought we were past the stage of you writing on walls and using Mommy’s make-up to “paint your dresser.” And when I though you were happily coloring at the kitchen table, you took it upon yourself to sneak outside and color 85% of our cedar front step with hot pink sidewalk chalk. I love you and thought the step looked very festive…but WTF?
Love Always-Your Tired, Frustrated, and OLD Mother
Dear Reoccurring Yeast Infection,
GET OUT. That is all.
Best Wishes- Someone Tired of Vagisil
Dear Price of Gas,
Quit going up. You are pissin me off. That is all.
signed- Someone who is Contemplating a Horse & Buggy.
Dear Constant Content,
Please stop being so anal. I submitted the same article to you 4 times, made the minuscule corrections your recommended four times, only to have you barf my article back at me a final time saying it was “not original content.” You’re kidding right? Did I mention I wrote this from personal experience? Maybe you thought you read it “somewhere else” because you dissected it.four.effing.times.
Hugs and Kisses-a Business Owner who is Moving on to Greener Pastures.