humor

Dear Somebody

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Dear ‘Puter.
 Why must you torture me so? Why is it, when I finally have more than 45 seconds to work on a project on you, you get a bad case of virtual PMS and lock up every five minutes. If you were to roll over and say, “I have a headache” you would be ME during that Special Time of Month. Straighten up. I used an iPad the other day. Your days are numbered, bitch.

Warmly-Your Disgruntled Owner


Dear Almost 5 Year Old Daughter,

Why must you act like a wild raccoon in the house? I thought we were past the stage of you writing on walls and using Mommy’s make-up to “paint your dresser.” And when I though you were happily coloring at the kitchen table, you took it upon yourself to sneak outside and color 85% of our cedar front step with hot pink sidewalk chalk. I love you and thought the step looked very festive…but WTF?

Love Always-Your Tired, Frustrated, and OLD Mother


Dear Reoccurring Yeast Infection,

GET OUT. That is all.

Best Wishes- Someone Tired of Vagisil

Dear Price of Gas,
 Quit going up. You are pissin me off. That is all.

signed- Someone who is Contemplating a Horse & Buggy.

Dear Constant Content,
Please stop being so anal. I submitted the same article to you 4 times, made the minuscule corrections your recommended four times, only to have you barf my article back at me a final time saying it was “not original content.” You’re kidding right? Did I mention I wrote this from personal experience? Maybe you thought you read it “somewhere else” because you dissected it.four.effing.times.

Hugs and Kisses-a Business Owner who is Moving on to Greener Pastures.

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7 thoughts on “Dear Somebody

  1. I hear ya on the whole computer thing. Mine keeps locking up & it makes me SOOO mad!
    Congrats on the giveaway, you won some really great things & $25 to Target… Whooo-hooo!!!

  2. Loved your post!! Happy you had something wonderful happen! You totally deserve it!

    Dear depression, go away, you’ve overstayed your welcome for way toolong!

    Dear little pug, quit getting into all bella’s toys just because you can barely jump high enough to get them, including her books! 🙂

    have a great week!!!

  3. Your yeast infection and my yeast infection could go out for drinks. Seriously, I am so over it, too! I am never trying a new bubble bath again.

    Also, it’s amazing what stupid things 5-year olds still do. Mine painted the couch with Gogurt.

  4. It was before! Becky, my win on your blog was the highlight of a crappy week. Thanks SO MUCH again. People! Head over to Becky’s! She rocks 🙂

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