Dear Somebody

Dear Gramma, Thank you for the “Happy 8th Birthday” letter from Arizona. Next time, please do not include diet tips for my mommy in there. It’s a waste of time and it annoys the Mommy.

-Love, your grandson Jake

Dear Hubby, Next time you hear me pounding a nail in the house, instead of saying to the kids, “wonder what your crazy mom is up to now”, come find me and help me. Pay-backs are a bitch and it will suck for you if a hot pink sock “accidentally” falls in your laundry whites.

– Hugs and Kisses, Your “crazy wife”

Dear Ambition, Oh why-o-why Ambition, have you left me? Is it the long work hours? Too many side projects? Peri-menopause? Old frickin age? Too many hours sitting on my arse watching Ghost Adventures marathons? I used to be a Master Multi-tasker, now weekends fly by without me so much as rediscovering the color of my living room carpet. Whatever I’ve done, I apologize. Please come back soon. I am beginning to see “body outlines” in the sheets on my kid’s beds.

-Best Wishes, Someone-who-is-contemplating-a-cleaning-lady.

Dear Parent at the Playground, Last time I checked, your Smartphone and Candy Crush game was not more important than the safety of your child. Pull your head out of your arse, put the phone down and be present for your kid. Just sayin’
Warmly, the mom who is sick of parenting your kid too and secretly wants to wring your neck.
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4 thoughts on “Dear Somebody

  1. That would be very ambitious of you… I say hangout and have a cup of coffee instead.

    A PT cleaning lady is a good idea, been contemplating one of those myself.

  2. My ambition must have run off with your ambition. Shall we grab our shotguns and hunt them down?

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