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Dear Garmin GPS, I Have A Great App Suggestion

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I don’t travel much. At age 45, I can count on one hand the number of places I have been outside the borders of Minnesota.

Who am I kidding? I can count that on three fingers.

I live in a town of  30,000-ish peeps. Not a big city, not a small town, something right in the middle.


Like Goldilocks who fell asleep in Baby Bears bed cuz it was just right.


I know my hometown like the back of my hand, and being the hermit-in-training that I am, I really don’t venture too much past the City Limits of my fair community.


No I’m not a Country Bumpkin……OK, maybe a little.

Recently, I made a non-typical voyage to the Big City. St Paul to be exact. I had the amazing opportunity to speak in front of a group of bloggers on the topic of Growing Your Blog Through Networking. I was super STOKED. And it’s a topic I know and love.

The thought of the three-hour-drive through the heart of our biggest city scared me CRAPLESS.

But I was calmed, and even more stoked when I got the use of my BFF’s Garmin GPS a.k.a “Bossy Flossy”

Bossy Flossy and I have been on trips before and she has saved my bacon LOTS of times. I have a bad habit of always being in the wrong.damn.lane on the freeway, which leads to a bigger habit of blowing my exits. Numerous times.

Bossy Flossy is calm, guiding, and forgiving. She doesn’t mind when an occasional f-bomb leaks out of me when I, thinking I’m goin the right damn way, hear those annoying words “RECALCULATING.”

She forgives me anyway, crisply barks out directions, and gets my sorry butt where it needs to go.

But I do have one suggestion for an improvement for the Garmin Company. Something I call…The Kindness and Reassurance App. Or in my case, the Holy Crap You Are A Needy Spaz app.

For me, during those llooonngg stretches of travel when the Garmin has no reason to yap directions at me, I could sure use for Flossie to spout forth the occasional equivalent of a motivational cheer.

Maybe something like “No worries! You’re Doin FINE!” or “It’s OK, you ARE on the right track!” I’d even be happy with a well-timed “Have you lost weight?”

There’s been times I’ve peered worriedly at Flossie’s screen, praying to God she didn’t get virtual PMS and abandon my Country Bumpkin ass 3/4’s the way to my destination. By confessing this I know I am really letting my dork walls show but, on a occasion, I have been known to pull into a gas station for no reason just to hear those confirming words “RECALCULATING”.

At least I know she’s still with me.

Yes, I need to get out more.

But when it’s all said and done and I reach my destination with minimal damage, I am always grateful to Bossy Flossy. She’s my hero. She can even get me back home, which really trips my trigger. And as I pull into my quiet suburbia neighborhood and see the warm glow of my house lights, I feel pretty fricken grateful to Miss Global Positioning System herself. So grateful, I often think of smooching her on her shiny little LCD screen. With tongue.

And when my BFF asks what those weird smears are on the front screen…..I know NOTHING.

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3 thoughts on “Dear Garmin GPS, I Have A Great App Suggestion

  1. oh my gosh. I sooooo understand and would love that app. Honestly, having samantha (my gps’s name) not talk to me for 200 miles is just wrong. At least she could ask if I’m awake. Or did I got to Jared. Just sayin.

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